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Italian English

One day ima gonna Malta to bigga hotel.
Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast.

I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast.
She brings me only one piss.
I tella her I want two piss.
She say go to the toilet.
I say, you no understand, I wanna piss onna my plate.
She say, you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch.
I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch.

Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant.
The waitress brings me a spoon and knife but no fock.
I tella her I wanna fock.
She tell me everyone wanna fock.
I tell her you no understand.
I wanna fock on the table.
She say, you better not fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch.

So I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits onna my bed.
Call the manager and tella him I wanna shit.
He tell me to go to toilet.
I say you no understand. I wanna shit on my bed.
He say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch.

I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: "Peace on you".
I say piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch, I gonna back to Italy...

 

English for Runaways

ALL START IS HEAVY !
- Aller Anfang ist schwer !

THE FAR LOOKING TOWER
- Der Fernsehturm

PIG STRONG !
- Saustark !

THE UMBRELLA POWER
- Die Schirmherrschaft

TO WINDOW
- fenstern

THE BYCICLE STEAMER
- Der Raddampfer

THE FLIPPING WEEKS
- Die Flitterwochen

THE SEA YOUNG WOMAN
- Die Seejungfrau

THE DUST BELL
- Die Dunstglocke

THANKS FOR THE AFTERQUESTION
- "Danke für die Nachfrage"

JACK LOOK-IN-THE-AIR
- Hans guck in die Luft

THE CHARACTERTRAIN
- Der Charakterzug

SKIN OFF !
- Haut ab !

THE ROLLING SUPER-MARKET
- Der Rolladen

IT IS ME SAUSAGE !
- Es ist mir Wurst !

THE THROUGH-HOLDING-MONEY
- Das Durchhaltevermögen

THE TREE COLLEGE
- Die Baumschule

THE BUSINESS SEX
- Der Berufsverkehr

YOUR ENGLISH IS UNDER ALL PIG !
- Dein Englich ist unter aller Sau !

THE DARLING COLOR
- Die Lieblingsfarbe

THE BABYSITTER
- Der Babystuhl

THE STRONG RIVER
- Der Starkstrom

THE APPLE-HOLDER-NUMBER
- Die BH-größe

THE CAKE-LIFT
- Der Tortenheber

THERE IS A TRAIN IN MY ROOM
- Es zieht !

THE CIRCLE-HALL
- Der Kreissaal

THE SQUARE-SLIPPER
- Quadratlatschen

THE GO SIT
- Das Gesetz

THE PEOPLE-CAR-FACTORY
- Das VW-Werk

YOU GO ME ON THE ALARM-CLOCK !
- Du gehst mir auf den Wecker!

THE ILL-CASH-BOX
- Die Krankenkasse

THE COUNTRY-PEACE-BREAK
- Landfriedensbruch

YOU CAN SAY YOU TO ME!
- Sie können du zu mir sagen

THE FALLING UMBRELLA JUMPER
- Der Fallschirmspringer

LIES HAVE SHORT LEGS
- Lügen haben kurze Beine

PASSPORT OPEN
- Pass auf !

CHEERIO MEALTIME !
- Prost Mahlzeit !

MY DEAR MISTER SINGING CLUB
- Mein lieber Herr Gesangsverein

THE PAY-ATTENTION-AND LOCK-COMPANY
- Die Wach und Schließgesellschaft

THE HIGH-TIME-DUO
- Das Hochzeitspaar

THE HEAD-STONE-STRIP
- Das Kopfsteinpflaster

THE AFTER BEAT FACTORY
- Das Nachschlagewerk

THE OVERSITTER
- Der Dolmetscher

AT THE APPLE OF NATURE
- Am Busen der Natur

THE GREEN-INVESTMENT
- Die Grünanlage

THE SPOT-LIGHT-FEVER
- Das Lampenfieber

THE FARMERS EARLY-PIECE
- Das Bauernfrühstück

THE JUMPING COMPANY
- Der Turnverein

HIGHATTENTIONFULL MILLER
- Hochachtungsvoll Müller

THE WATER COCK
- Der Wasserhahn

THE CHICKEN EYE
- das Hühnerauge

THE CRY-TEST
- Die Weinprobe

THE DINNER FOR ONE
- Der Einheitsfraß

TIME-WORDS
- Zeitwörter

TO SHINE SOMEONE HOME
- Jemanden Heimleuchten

TO RASP SWEET-WOOD
- Süßholzraspeln

TO FALL INSIDE
- Reinfallen

TO SIT AFTER
- Nachsitzen

LIVING MIDDLE-BUSINES
-
Lebensmittelgeschäft

THE STEP-AWAY
- Der Fortschritt

ONE-WALL-FREE
- Einwandfrei

THE KEY OF MILITARY
- Schlüsselbund

THE NOSE-LEG-BREAK
- Der Nasenbeinbruch

THE SMOKE BEHIND
- Die Zigarette danach

FILMCITY-SWINGER
- Hollywoodschaukel

THE NECK-CUTTER
- Der Halsabschneider

I HAVE THE FACE FULL !
- Ich habe die Schnauze voll !

ARM-LIGHTER
- Armleuchter

THE FARMERS-CATCH
- Bauernfängerei

MONKEY-SHARP
- Affengeil

THE DONKEY-BRIDGE
- Die Eselsbrücke

THE REASON PIECE
- Das Grundstück

THE BIG PARENTS
- Die Großeltern

MUCHEASY
- vielleicht

SLIPPER-JAW
- Latschenkiefer

THE TUBE-SPARROW
- Der Rohrspatz

THE SHOPPING-GENTLEMAN
- Der Geschäftsmann

THE DO-NOT-GOOD
- Der Tunichtgut

THE BETTERNOWER
- Der Besserwisser

THE WAITER-SCHOOL
- Die Oberschule

THE HIGH-GRILL
- Der Hochofen

STATIONS-SISTER
- Stationsschwester

HAIR-EXACT
- Haargenau

THE WINDY-KISS
- Der Luftikus

THE DARK-NUMBER
- Die Dunkelziffer

THE FINGER-TOP-FEELING
- Das Fingerspitzengefühl

THE HIGH-STRESS-PIPLINE
- Die Hochspannungsleitung

THE LUCKY-MUSHROOM
- Der Glückspilz

THE BUBBLE-INFEKTION
- Die Blasenentzündung

THE RUNNING PASSPORT
- Der Laufpaß

THE BOTTLE-TRAIN
- Der Flaschenzug

THE LIVING-PARTY
- Die Wohngemeinschaft

THE MIDDLE-OF-THE-BACKSIDE
- Der Poposcheitel

THE BIRD-FARMER
- Der Vogelbauer

THE SHIT-FORK
- Die Mistgabel

THE POWER-SOUP
- Kraftbrühe

THE LIVING-ARTIST
- Der Lebenskünstler

THE MILITARY-FOLDING-TROUSER
- Die Bundfaltenhose

THE SWINGING-SHIP-STOPPER
- Der Schiffschaukelbremser

PRESS-AIR-BOTTLES
- Pressluftflaschen

THE POCKET-STEALER
- Der Taschendieb

JESUS MAKES A TRIP TO HEAVEN
- Christi Himmelfahrt

THE BABY-TOILET
- Die Windel

THE SECOND-HAND-BIRTHDAY
- Die Wiedergeburt

THE BOSS OF THE PUBS
- Der Wirtschaftsminister

LOOPING-TREE
- Purzelbaum

SPACE-TIME-FIT
- Allzeit bereit

THE BLOWIN-CHAPPEL
- Die Blaskapelle

FLOWER-POWER
- Blumendünger

THE APPLE-SWIMMER
- Der Brustschwimmer

BLACK-OUTSTANDING
- Negeraufstand

DOWN-LOOKING-SHIP
- Unterseeboot

THE BABY-AIRLINES
- Der Klapperstorch

THE PICTURE-PIPELINE
- Die Bildröhre

THE PLAYBOYS-TRAIN
- Der Spielmannszug

THE BRANDY-NOSE
- Die Schnapsnase

THE COFFEE-SENTENCE
- Der Kaffeesatz

THE CLEVER-MOUNTAINER
- Der Schlauberger

I ONLY UNDERSTAND RAILWAY-STATION
- Ich verstehe immer nur Bahnhof

YELLOWMANIA
- Gelbsucht

SO SLOWLY BUT SURELY
- So langsam aber sicher

I LAUGH ME A BRANCH
- Ich lach mir 'nen Ast

HIGH-GERMAN
- Hochdeutsch

WOODEYE BE CAREFULL
- Holzauge sei wachsam

TAKE YOURSELF IN EIGHT
- Nimm dich in acht

ME SMELLS
- Mir stinkt's

SEX-CLUB
- Vehrkehrsverein

LETTER-SEX
- Briefverkehr

AIR-SEX-COMPANY
- Luftfahrtsgesellschaft

CITY-SEX
- Stadtverkehr

KICK-SEX
- Stoßverkehr

CIRCLE-SEX
- Kreisverkehr

SEX-LIGHT
- Verkehrsampel

QUICK-SEX-ROAD
- Schnellverkehrsstraße

LEFT/RIGHT-SEX
- Links/Rechts-Verkehr

THE AIR-PILLOW-BOAT
- Luftkissenboot

TO LOOK INTO THE PIPELINE
- In die Röhre gucken

ROOM-MAN
- Zimmermann

THE STRIPTEASE-TABLE

- der Ausziehtisch

 

Things to do in an elevator
  • When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

  • Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

  • Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

  • Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.

  • Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

  • Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

  • Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

  • Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an apointment.

  • Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

  • Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.

  • Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

  • Ask, "Did you feel that?"

  • Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

  • When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"

  • Swat at flies that don't exist.

  • Tell people that you can see their aura.

  • Call out, "Group Hig!"and then enforce it.

  • Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

  • Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

  • Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

  • Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

  • Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

  • Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

  • Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

  • Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".

  • Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passnegers, "This is MY personal space!"

 

 

 

Why chocolate is better than sex

You can GET chocolate.

"If you love me, you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.

Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.

Two People of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.

You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.

You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.

If you bite nuts too hard, the chocolate won't mind.

You can safely havae chocolate while you are driving.

The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.

You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.

You can have chocolate any time of the month.

You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.

When you have chocolate it does not keep the neighbors awake.

You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your faces lapped.

You can as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.

You are never too young or too old for chocolate.

With chocolate there's no need to fake it.

Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.

Good chocolate is easy to find.

With chocolate, size doesn't matter.